journal

a collection from the last few years. rooted

in love, mental wellness, and the feminine experience. these are her stories and they are your stories too.

[ f i f t e e n ]   

You want to know my past? She brought me here.

I will show you where I transformed her traumas into growth.

Her darkness fed the light in these eyes. Each freckle is where the sun kissed her skin. Muscle is the strength she crafted under the weight of this world. Soft curves are where she learned to feed herself. The music shifted the rhythm of her heart. She painted her walls to decorate the skin that is home. She left her ego to dissolve into the earth where our seeds grew together.

 

You did not know her. I was convinced I did not either.

Yet, I hear her voice echo my desires. I see her in the periphery of my grand vision. I smell her on my skin. I feel her in my lungs. I taste her on my tongue. She lived so I could love myself. 

You want to know where I came from? I will show you who I am.

[ f o u r t e e n ]   c l a r i t y

the waves silence the voice of anxiety in my head.

a shower rinses away self doubt.

a glass of water refreshes my gut.

fuel supports my brain and cognition.

dance communicates through my body what is stuck in my throat.

meditation fosters space for an open inner dialogue.

how do you invite clarity into your mind & body?

[ t h i r t e e n ]   

netflix and chill because eye contact might

bring us to the speed of their blink

to the rate of our heart

pumping blood through our limbs

reaching for another's skin

[ t w e l v e ]   

I do not drown

for lack of trying,

to swim

[ e l e v e n ]   

I am bigger

when you aren't here

[ t e n ]   

it pours over my skin

settles into my gut

I can't feel my legs

I've forgotten how to walk

your gaze sends me floating

I must run, run, run

away

[ n i n e ]   
[ e i g h t ]   i n k

red room, bedroom

here is where I think of you

[ s e v e n ]   i n   w o n d e r l a n d

I have many faults

I can list them for you

on the first page

and if you only read my cover

you will see

commitment is not one of them

as the year disappears

my face still runs

with the salt of tears

from wounds as fresh

as the yesterday

that wasn't

[ s i x ]   p i p e   d r e a m 
[ f o u r ]   i n   c h o i c e
[ f i v e ]   

I do not blame you

for creeping in

when I left the key

to my midnight vulnerabilities 

in my desire to have you here with me

how old were we when nightmares became

bad dreams?

I don't need dope

when I get high

on the memories of

when we were together

[ t h r e e ] 

you need not climb

the mountain built 

by another

you have your own mountain to climb

[ t w o ]   i n t r o s p e c t i o n 

I tripped and fell

deep inside myself

where I met the monster

but I was okay

because he was you

it was in the way our bodies melted

a swirl of limb twisted around limb

knotted me into you

when you pulled away

from us

I wasn't ready for the  

s n a p

[ o n e ]   d i v i n e   f e m i n i n e

Honour the feminine. To respect the divine energy of the mother is to respect: the soil, the ocean, the air. She is the ground you walk on. She is your sister. She is your friend. She is oxygen. She is death. To respect her is to respect: your self, your family, our earth. We will not cause her harm. We will not harm our self. We give her love. We embrace her. We stand open to her radiant light, her timeless wisdom, her warmth.

She will not be raped, assaulted, neglected. She will be treated as your equal. Her skills and effort will be matched in wage. Her skin is her own. Her freedom is not yours to touch, shape, or steal. She will be educated. She will be fed. She will be heard. She will be raised without shame. She will be immune to disease, stigma, and hate. She is your lover. She is your mother. She is you.

May you accept the feminine energy that exists within you. May you express yourself with authenticity. May you be welcomed by the labels you identify with. May you remove boundaries causing you harm or loss of self. May you feel safe in your skin. May you be loved.